So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
