do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
