I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
