i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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