I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
