I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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