Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She bit a glass in half.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
