Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i now understand why vodka
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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