U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
