I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
