Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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