i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
