Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
