i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
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