Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My cat gives me a boner
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
