you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
