Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
