my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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