WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
