I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
third nipple confirmed
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
