I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
