everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
