We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
drinking out of a sandbucket again
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
