Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
