We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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