I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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