also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Barsexuality is the new black.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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