Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
