On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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