it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
