Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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