Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
