it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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