My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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