so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
