the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
