when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
