four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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