i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
