i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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