Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
