Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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