Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
