just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
