Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
