I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
handjob tips. give me some.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
