Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
