I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
