Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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