Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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